


Can’t Lose Myself (If You Find Me)

by aschicca



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Carol is a good friend, First Time, Getting Together, Homophobia, M/M, Merle's a bit of a dick, Oral Sex, Pining, Prison setting, a little hurt/comfort, a touch of angst, inexperienced Daryl, original characters deaths, set between season 3 and season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:53:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23875756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aschicca/pseuds/aschicca
Summary: After talking about it with Carol, Daryl decides to take a chance on his feelings for Rick and ends up learning that losing himself in them doesn’t mean actually losing. Quite the contrary.
Relationships: Daryl Dixon & Carol Peletier, Daryl Dixon/Rick Grimes
Comments: 16
Kudos: 148





	Can’t Lose Myself (If You Find Me)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first TWD fic. Please be kind. Also, I'm Italian and have no idea how to write Southern accents... I think I did a fair job but I'm open to suggestions on how to improve or to be told where I went wrong. Constructive criticism is always a gift.
> 
> I want to thank my awesome friend and Beta, Piksa, for reading this through and for not only telling me I could do this but offering up suggestions and just generally being there for me. Love you!

It was a very hot day. Daryl spent the morning down at the tombs with Glenn and the others to help with the clean-up still in progress, then decided he’d had enough of people’s attention for one day – hell, make that an entire year – and volunteered to take Tyreese’s watch up on the guard tower. It would make for the perfect escape, it would offer some peace, quiet, and respite from the heat, and it would also afford Daryl a good view of Rick’s farming work. 

He’d been there an hour, his attention split between looking out for any danger and keeping an eye on Rick’s progress with the soybeans, when the sound of the metallic door being opened caused Daryl to jump. He turned quickly, ready to bite off the head of whoever was foolish enough to interrupt his peace – not to mention catching him unaware and startling him – but he instantly and instinctively relaxed when Carol poked her head in.

“So this is where you’ve been hiding,” she smiled.

How did she always know what Daryl was doing? 

“Ain’t hiding,” he denied, anyway.

“No? Sure seems like it.”

Daryl cocked his head at her. “Told Ty I’d take his watch. Leave ‘im free to be ‘round Karen a bit.”

“Yeah, I know. He said. But that also gave you a good enough excuse to hide,” Carol insisted.

Daryl frowned at her, then turned towards the window and stared outside.

“Don’t wanna make you mad, Pookie.” Carol stepped closer but she didn’t touch him. She knew by now never to touch Daryl when his back was turned, not without some sort of warning and not before he’d had ample time to step away if he needed to. “Just missed you.”

Daryl looked back at her over his own shoulder and snorted. “‘M right here. Ain’t nothing to miss.”

“Yeah, you’re here,” she agreed, and moved to stand by his side. “Least I don’t have to worry about you like I did when you and Michonne were out on the road looking for the Governor.”

“Was thinking ‘bout it before,” Daryl confessed.

“Thinking about what?”

“Michonne. Out there alone. Lookin’. Ain’t right.”

Carol sighed. “Do you want to go back out?”

“Nah. Trail’s cold. Ain’t nothing to follow no more. ‘M needed here; but she is, too.”

Carol nodded, and they were silent for a moment. Daryl could tell she wanted to say more and he braced himself for whatever would come out of her mouth; but she wasn’t speaking for the time being and Daryl decided to enjoy the quiet while he could.

He glanced back down towards Rick who was still bent over his crops, shirt drenched in sweat and sticking to his back, and Daryl couldn’t help his sigh. 

“Gonna have to come out of the sun soon or he’ll risk getting sick,” Carol commented, and Daryl stiffened.

“Wha’?”

She bumped her shoulder against his forcing him to look at her, and when he did she nodded her head towards Rick. Daryl shrugged and kept looking at her, daring her to say more.

“‘S not him you’re hiding from, is it? I thought things were better now.” Carol never backed down from a challenge these days, and it warmed Daryl’s heart to know she felt safe enough around him to say what was on her mind. It didn’t mean he was happy about her meddling, though.

“They was never bad. Dunno what’cha talking ‘bout.”

“Daryl, come on. It’s me. I know.”

Daryl took a step back from Carol and glared at her. “Know what? Uh? What’cha think ya know?”

She shook her head. “Nothing, never mind. I’ll see you at dinner,” she said, and moved towards the door.

“Nah, you answer me. Say it. What’cha know?”

Carol spoke with his back still to Daryl, “D’you remember what you told me the night we left the farm? ‘Bout Rick? I was scared, didn’t know if I could trust him, but you… You knew. Knew he was a ‘man of honor’. Said he’d done a’right by you. You already knew.”

“There a point?” Daryl couldn’t help his impatience.

Carol turned to look at him, “Point is I thought it started at the prison, or maybe just before, that winter we spent on the road. But it started earlier, didn’t it?”

Of course, Daryl knew; he knew what she was talking about, where she was going with this. But he’d be damned if he’d make things easier for her. What right did she have, to put him, his feelings, on the spot like that?

“You gonna start makin’ sense soon? Or you plannin’ on runnin’ yer mouth til I can’t stand you no more? Ya got somethin’ to say, come out and say it!”

“I’m not trying to piss you off,” Carol said, raising her hands almost like in surrender. “And I’m not implying anything, or trying to get you to admit something you don’t wanna talk about. What I’m saying is that you and Rick have always been close, and you got even closer after we found the prison. But then…”

“Then?” Daryl felt calmer now that Carol changed course and decided not to call him out as he thought she was about to do, but he still felt on edge.

“Merle,” she said, and Daryl’s whole body hardened.

Talking about his brother wasn’t something he could do lightly. That went for everyone not just Carol. The horror of having to be the one to put him down, the terrifying sight of his brother’s unseeing eyes as he walked towards him, bloody mouth open and dripping, haunted Daryl and he knew that would never change.

“You was right,” he said, turning his back to her. “You don’t know nothing and got nothing to say. Jus’ go.”

“Daryl…”

“Jus’ go!” He yelled, and heard her sigh and move towards the door. He didn’t stop her this time, and she opened it. Just before walking through it, though, Carol spoke again. 

“You left with Merle but came back for us. For Rick. And that didn’t mean you chose one over the other, don’t ever think that. Rick allowed Merle to stay because you wanted him to, and because he didn’t want to force a choice on you either. But then… I heard him. Heard Merle comment on what you and Rick share, what you have. That’s when things changed. That’s when, in a way, Merle _did_ force you to choose. You had to and I’m not judging you for it, but that choice don’t matter anymore and things _can_ be good again. They can be even better.” 

Carol stopped for a second, to catch her breath or maybe hoping Daryl would say something, even if it was to yell at her again. Daryl refused to even acknowledge her words, though they were cutting through him.

“Sorry. I just… No. That’s the last I’ll ever say on the matter,” Carol continued. “I promise.” 

The door closed behind her when she left and Daryl finally released the breath he’d been holding. Carol was right, of course, but Daryl couldn’t think of one single thing he’d like to talk less about than his own feelings for Rick, or the mess that followed Merle’s reaction to them.

Because of course, as soon as they got back to the prison and he watched Daryl interact with Rick, Merle saw right through his little brother. And he wasn’t happy…

*

“Ya bendin’ over for tha Sheriff, huh, little brother? Ya enjoy bein’ his bitch?”

Merle’s stupid grin and his sarcastic tone were in stark contrast with the icy look in his eyes, and Daryl knew better than to relax.

“Shut up,” he just said, trying not to show how much his brother’s words and his attitude both hurt and worried him.

“What’s wrong, Darleena? Yer shy now? You wasn’t shy before, lookin’ at Officer Friendly with them hearts in yer eyes, standin’ so close to him I’s worried ya might start rubbin’ ‘gainst him like a bitch in heat. That how he likes it? Ya beggin’ for it, little sister?”

“I said, shut up!” Daryl yelled, but he instantly regretted his show of emotion because he knew his brother would latch onto it and twist the knife. It was always better not to react to Merle’s teasing, Daryl had learned that from an early age. If his brother realized he couldn’t provoke a reaction, that his words couldn’t make a dent and Daryl was able to ignore them easily, he’d soon get bored and stop. There was no hope of that happening now.

Merle grinned. “Hmm mmh, seen how you like it when he don’t move away. Lets ya get close, lets ya stand riiiiight there where ya can feel him. He control ya, too? Tells ya what ta do, what ta say, what ta think… how ta suck ‘im off? I’s remembering what’cha said, back in them woods. ‘Bout how ya did right by me. Came back to that damn roof to get ol’ Merle. Did _Rick_ ,” Merle moved his hips in a lewd way when he said Rick’s name, “come witchu? Did’ya start bendin’ over fa ‘im then, baby brother? Right on that roof? ‘Cause he did ‘right by ya’ too?”

“Ain’t like that, c’mon Merle,” Daryl tried to sound unaffected, hoping to derail his brother and make him stop. But he knew Merle saw the sweat Daryl could feel on his own brow, and the fact that, despite how hard he tried, Daryl couldn’t seem to be able to unclench his fists.

Suddenly, Merle moved. He pushed Daryl to the wall with his metal arm and then fisted his one hand in Daryl’s shirt.

“Dixons ain’t no fags. You’d do well to remember that, brother,” Merle said, his face so close to Daryl’s own he could feel Merle’s spit on his chin. “Now, ya wanna be here. Ya wan’ us ta be here. ‘S fine by me, I’ll give ya that. I finally find ya, don’t wanna give ya up ‘gain. Hell, I’ll even _behave_ for yer little band of sorry pricks. But ya listen to me, Darleena, and ya listen close: I catch ya making eyes with Friendly again, ya ain’t gonna like what happens next, ya hear? Ya hear?”

Daryl nodded, and sealed his fate.

*

Up on the guard tower, his shift about to end, Daryl dreaded the moment he’d have to leave the safety of the tower and go back down to the prison. He mulled for a second with the idea of going out on a hunt, but he knew the Council wouldn’t stand for it because of the “no one stays out after dark” rule. There was no way he could leave the prison now and be back before dark; he was stuck inside.

Glancing back at Rick’s beds of crops, he saw Carl offering a water bottle to his dad and watched mesmerized as Rick gulped it down. Daryl swallowed reflexively, as if able to taste the water Rick just drank, and then forced his eyes away. 

After that conversation with Merle in the boiler room – a conversation he’d thought private but that Carol obviously witnessed – Daryl took pains to never be close to Rick again. They still talked, he still considered himself Rick’s right hand man, but Daryl always made sure to stand a few feet away from him, and he avoided looking at Rick’s face unless forced. 

Rick tried. He tried to get Daryl to talk to him, to _look_ at him, but Daryl kept silent, kept his distance, kept away. And after a while, Rick stopped trying and just accepted whatever Daryl offered him, even if it was damn little.

Carol was right. Things _were_ better now. After enough time passed since Merle’s death, and after all the time Daryl spent with Michonne away from the prison, away from _Rick_ , Daryl finally allowed himself the luxury of talking to Rick and looking him in the eye while he did it. 

The startled surprise in Rick’s eyes the first time that happened was both amusing and heartbreaking to Daryl. But then Rick smiled at him, and Daryl smiled back, and things were finally looking up. 

But they could be _even better_ , Carol said. And damn if Daryl didn’t want to ask her what she meant by that. Of course, that would mean having to talk to her about all this, but maybe Daryl could try. This was Carol after all, Daryl knew she would understand and respect his boundaries.

Movement in the corner of his eye caused Daryl to turn and he caught Rick and Carl walking away from the little vegetable garden, their work done for the day. Not a moment later, he heard the door of the tower swing open again and he turned to nod at Glenn.

“Okay?”

“Yeah. All yours,” Daryl clapped Glenn on the shoulder and left the tower.

*

After dinner, when everyone seemed to have something to do or someone else to talk to, Daryl tracked down Carol and gestured for her to follow him outside.

“Going to check the fences?” Carol asked.

“Nah, let’s sit,” he replied and she followed him to a table.

“What’s on your mind, Pookie?”

He glared playfully at the nickname and she grinned at him. 

“You said… B’fore, up on the tower. You said…”

“Daryl, I’m sorry, okay? Not my place, I know. I thought we could just pretend it didn’t happen?”

Daryl shrugged. “S’okay. Ain’t angry no more. Jus’… what’cha mean, things can be even better? Better how?”

Carol gaped at him. “You really want… Well. Okay, but if we talk about this, then we talk about it. None of that ‘Jus’ go and leave me be!’ crap, uh?”

The way she tried to imitate Daryl’s tone and his scowl made him laugh, and she joined in, visibly relieved.

“Talk,” he said, and steeled himself.

“Me saying that you and Rick being close maybe started back at the farm meant that you and Rick _both_ felt that closeness. ‘S not just you. You have to know that, right?”

“‘Course, I know. Trust him, and he trusts me. We’re… friends. Family… maybe,” Daryl mumbled.

“No maybe about it. You are family! To all of us, Daryl, and especially to Rick. Hell, what you did for his daughter alone… And Carl! Daryl that boy loves you, and you were the only one that knew how to talk to him after… Lori…” Carol trailed off and leaned against Daryl.

He allowed her close whilst also allowing himself to soak up a bit of comfort from her.

“Knew what it meant. Losin’ yer mama. Weren’t nothing,” Daryl shrugged.

“It was _everything_! He needed to talk about it and you let him.”

“How’d ya know ‘bout that anyway? You was ‘dead’ at the time.”

Carol laughed. “I was. But then my knight in shining armor found me,” she batted her eyelashes at Daryl and he pushed her off him, snorting.

“Stop,” he said, affectionately.

“Carl told me,” Carol revealed after a bit. “I don’t even remember why or what we were talking about, but he told me he knew how your mother died and he said you’d offered up that story yourself.”

Daryl nodded.

“You don’t talk much, but you always know what to say when you do. ‘S a gift you have,” Carol offered a smile with the compliment, and Daryl understood she was trying to help him accept it. Compliments, as well as gratitude, weren’t something Daryl was used to and he struggled to find a way to react to them. Not to mention believe them when they came from the mouths of people like the Woodbury folks who wouldn’t have even walked close to him on the street before the world went to shit, and now looked at him like he was their hero.

“‘S no gift,” he said, head down to hide his blush, “Survival.”

Carol looked at him frowning but didn’t ask him to elaborate. That was probably the reason why Daryl did.

“Being chatty at my house, ‘round my dad, could get ya into trouble. Get to the point, say what’cha need ta say and then shut up. That’s how you survived.”

Carol nodded. “Yeah, sounds familiar,” she said. “Still, doesn’t mean it’s not a gift. It was a lesson you learned but you turned it into something else.”

“If you say so.”

Daryl was grateful when Carol read his wish to drop that particular subject and moved on; at least until he remembered what else he’d asked her to talk about.

“You do that with Rick, too,” she said. “And he likes it. He cares for you. He listens to you, trusts you to have an answer to his questions… or at least to try and give him one. You’re quick and to the point. I know he missed that when you… well.”

“How much did’ya hear? That day, I mean. With Merle…” Daryl really didn’t want to ask but he found he would like to know.

“Enough,” she replied, and looked at him. She seemed to wait for him to tell her if he wanted her to say more or if she should just leave it at that, and suddenly 

Daryl decided he didn’t need to hear it after all. Whatever she heard, even if it was very little, sure gave her a clear picture of what was happening.  
There was one thing, though, that Daryl knew he had to say, that he felt Carol should hear.

“Merle, he wasn’t… ‘s not them gays he had a problem with. I mean, he sure as hell weren’t a fan or nothing. And he sent his fair share of jabs at them over the years. But mostly, he’d leave ‘em be. Didn’ care.”

Daryl saw the way Carol bit her lip and knew she was trying not to say something that would make him clam up and stop talking. Daryl knew what she wanted to say, anyway; he’d heard it before from one of Merle’s girlfriends. 

_Even if you don’t go out of your way to make their lives hell,_ she said, _even if you don’t beat them up or threaten them; even if all you do is talk down to them or insult them, you’re still a homophobic piece of shit._

Suffice to say she didn’t last long with Merle after that, but Daryl always secretly thought she had a point.

“Okay,” Carol said in the end. “But he still…”

“T’was ‘bout me. ‘Bout us Dixons,” Daryl interrupted. “Jus’ like with the chatty thing. Survival, ya know? Things ya needed to know, say, _be_ so ya could survive ‘nother day at my house. T’was a way of life he wanted me to remember. Make me strong.”

“I’m not sure he…” Carol started to say but she stopped when Daryl glared at her. Sighing, she tried again, “Look, I get it, okay? I do. I have my objections but I won’t speak. I won’t. Can I just say one thing?”

Daryl looked at her suspiciously but didn’t try to stop her, so she nodded and went on.

“You and Rick together are strong. Stronger than either of you is apart. Everyone can see that, all it takes is to be in your presence for more than five minutes and it’s obvious. You’re a team, you’ve been almost since the beginning. So how, tell me how could Merle think that you being close to Rick would make you weak?”

Daryl bit his own lip until he could taste blood. Damn Carol for knowing too much! He should have known she’d never be satisfied with half the truth.

“Was somethin’ else Merle could see. Tha’ was the problem,” Daryl whispered, and Carol’s expression softened in understanding.

“Feelings don’t make you weak, Daryl,” she said, gently. And then she just settled back against him and waited for him to either say more or push her off him and stalk away. Daryl knew he was torn between the two, and knew that Carol could tell.

“They can,” he heard himself say. “You feel too much, you get distracted. Make mistakes. Lose people. Lose yourself.”

“Another lesson?”

“Hmm.”

“Yes,” Carol said. “That can happen. But what can you do? Stop? Could you really stop caring for Judith? Could you look at her one day and say, ‘Sorry, Asskicker, no can do. You’re on your own,’ just because you might get to lose a piece of yourself in what you feel for her? Do you really think that your determination in keeping her safe could make you _less_ careful?”

“We ain’t talking about the baby.”

“Why not? You love her, don’t you?” Carol challenged.

“And?”

“And,” she continued, “your feelings for her ain’t wrong, right?” Carol waited for Daryl’s nod. “So how could your feelings for someone else be?”

“‘S different. C’mon, you know it is!” Daryl wasn’t sure he could stand much more of this conversation and the way his legs kept moving nervously, almost as if they wanted him to stand up and run away, told him he was a hair-breath away from doing just that.

Carol saw it and apparently decided to talk fast so she could get her point across before Daryl decided to make his escape.

“You’ve been away from him, you’ve avoided him as much as you could without flat out ignoring him. You’ve done what Merle wanted you to do and stopped allowing him close. It hurt him, I know you’ve seen that; and I know it hurt you, too. And for what? Did it make your feelings for him disappear? Did it make you stronger and more focused? Weren’t you just today up on that tower looking at him instead of keeping watch?” Daryl looked at her sharply and glared, so she raised her hands and threw a little apologetic smile at him. “You were, and yet I felt as safe with you as I always have. You won’t be made soft by loving him. You won’t make fatal mistakes if you allow him as close as you want him to be. As _he_ wants to be. Things _could_ be better if you stopped fighting it. And Daryl, if you do happen to lose yourself in him? I’m sure you won’t mind it one bit.”

Carol held onto Daryl’s shoulder to help herself up. She patted him gently, smiled, and walked away. She’d said her piece and now, Daryl knew, she wouldn’t say another word unless he asked. She walked back inside the cell block, and he sat there staring in the distance and breathing as harshly as if he’d faced a small heard of Walkers.

When that image popped into his head, Daryl stood and, knife in hand, went by the fences and threw all his uncertainty and frustration into killing Walkers.

* 

“Is that a deer?”

“Thank you, Mr. Dixon!”

“Wow, won’t you look at that! Well done, Daryl!

Ten fucking thousand people thanking him and not one of them was coming to give him a hand with the deer. Daryl had half a mind to throw the dead animal at their feet with a curse. Let’s see if they still felt like running their mouths then.

“Here, let me help,” Tyreese appeared at Daryl’s side and took most of the weight of the deer off him. Together, they carried it to the table they used to skin and prepare whatever prey Daryl brought back from his hunts and left it there. Daryl also threw his bag near the table and it opened a bit showing a couple of small animals stored in there.

Stretching, and groaning while he did it, Daryl nodded his thanks to Tyreese. 

“We’ll get some of the others to work on that,” Tyreese said. “You go in. Rest, take a shower. You deserve it, man!”

Daryl nodded again and made his way inside. He was covered in dirt and dried blood, and he had a few cuts and bruises on his shoulders and arms. His muscles ached and the idea of a shower didn’t sound that bad to Daryl.

He entered cell block C so he could leave his crossbow inside his cell and pick up a change of clothes to take with him in the shower room, but once in he stopped dead in his tracks.

Rick had his back to the door and was holding Judith. She was a bit fussy and Rick was trying to get her to calm down by talking softly to her. The sound of Rick’s voice washed over Daryl and he closed his eyes.

“I know, I know,” Rick was saying to his daughter. “Beth’s busy, can’t sing to you and you miss her. But I’m here. I’m here, little one. I’ll always be here. Better if I don’t sing, though. We don’t want you to start crying, too.”

Daryl snorted and, opening his eyes, he could see Rick whirl around looking caught.

“You look a sight,” Rick told him, with a smile.

“She okay?” Daryl asked, biting his lips not to tell Rick what a sight _he_ made.

“Yeah. Just a bit fussy today. Aren’t you, Judy? Look,” Rick turned her towards Daryl and pointed. “Who’s there? Uh? Who’s that?”

Judith squinted at Daryl and cocked her head.

“Thought you was tryin’ _not_ to get her ta cry,” Daryl joked, pointing at himself and the state he was in.

Rick laughed. “You don’t look half as bad as I sing,” he shot back, but he turned Judith towards his shoulder and started bouncing her again. “Good hunt?”

“Deer. Few rabbits, a ‘possum. Not bad.”

“Not bad? Daryl that’s great!”

Blushing, Daryl looked down and just shrugged.

“Need some help?” Rick asked, and Daryl shook his head.

“Nah. Ty’s got folks working on it already. Was jus’ gonna take a shower.”

“Need some help?” Rick asked again, a hint of smile in his voice, and Daryl looked sharply up at him.

“I meant, you could leave your crossbow here and I could clean it for you while you shower. I remember how, what you taught me,” Rick explained, but there was a glint in his eyes that sent shivers down Daryl’s spine and he didn’t know how to react.

Daryl didn’t like letting other people’s hands on his crossbow but this was Rick, so he decided to take him up on his offer and lifted the crossbow off himself. The movement hurt and caused him to wince.

“You hurt?” Rick asked, taking a step towards him.

“‘S nothin’. Jus’ sore. Ya know how it is.”

Rick nodded. “You sure that’s all there is?”

“‘M fine. Don’cha get as fussy as the little Asskicker now.”

Rick looked like he wanted to say more but he didn’t. He nodded and looked back at his daughter. Suddenly, Daryl wanted Rick to fuss over him some more. Wanted those eyes back.

“How’s the garden doin’?”

“Good,” Rick answered, with a smile. “Those seeds you found during the last run took really well. Hershel’s hopeful we’ll get a good harvest out of them. So thank you.”

“Not ya, too,” Daryl groaned.

“Uh?”

“All them folks out there. Can’t seem to stop being grateful and _talking_ ‘bout it.”

Rick laughed, and Judith joined in. “Yeah, you heard that, little one? Seems like Daryl don’t want people to say thank you. Now what do you say to that?”

“Ha!” Judith gurgled.

“That’s right,” Rick told her, but he was looking straight at Daryl. “That’s just right.”

“What d’ya mean by that?”

“I don’t think she can explain it any better,” Rick grinned.

“Weren’t asking her.”

“Hmm,” Rick pretended to think about it. “Well, if I had to guess her meaning I’d probably say she wanted you to jus’ accept it. Go with it and stop suffering it.”

“Sufferin’ what?”

“People. Their words. Their gratitude.”

Daryl looked away. “Ain’t doing it to be thanked,” he told the wall he was facing.

“Hey. _Hey_ ,” Rick called, and Daryl couldn’t resist Rick’s silent request to look back at him. Hell, he wanted to. 

As soon as he had Daryl’s eyes back, Rick continued. “We don’t do the things we do ‘cause we wan’ people to be grateful. ‘S not who we are, ‘s not why we do it. ‘S just what needs to be done. But, people’re always gonna be expressing appreciation for what makes their lives better. You might not wanna hear it – I know often enough _I_ don’t – but you should learn to take it for what it is and jus’…” Rick shrugged and trailed off.

Daryl bit on one of his nails and lowered his head again, but he kept his eyes on Rick and looked up at him behind his fringe.

Rick sighed. “I ain’t trying to lecture you, Daryl. I…”

“Nah, I know,” Daryl interjected. “I got’cha. What’cha sayin’. ‘S jus’… I dunno. Difficult. You get it?”

Rick went to answer but Judith beat him to the punch.

“Bah ha!” She yelled, and her father laughed.

“She sure does,” Rick said, and Daryl grinned.

Beth chose that moment to get back in the cell block and unwittingly interrupted whatever Daryl had been about to say.

“Here I am back,” she said to Rick. “I can take her now.”

Rick thanked her and passed Judith to her. The little girl offered a toothless smile to Beth and settled on her shoulder while Beth took her to her own cell and started to softly sing to her.

“Kept you long enough,” Rick said. “Go have your shower, and I’ll take care of the crossbow.”

Daryl nodded and made for his cell, but he didn’t go very far. He stopped, looked back at Rick who’d walked to the cabinet where they kept the cleaning stuff, and called out.

“Rick?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we… Uhm… Talk? Later?” Daryl asked softly.

“More talk? Haven’t we done enough of that today?” Rick smiled.

“It don’t have ta be today,” Daryl replied, and Rick walked back to him.

“Whenever you wanna talk, I’m here. I hope you know that. Today, tomorrow, in a week. You got somethin’ to say, I’m listenin’.”

Daryl gave a curt nod. “I’ll find ya. Soon,” he promised, and then finally left.

*

 _Soon_ turned out to be more than a week later. A dangerous buildup of Walkers up on the fences on all sides of the prison, a run gone sideways that forced Daryl and his group to be out for almost two whole days, and problems with the water pumps, prevented Daryl from even seeing Rick for more than a few minutes a day, let alone find some downtime when they could be alone and talk.

Daryl felt torn between the need to finally tell Rick everything he’d been keeping inside for months and the fear of actually ruining what they had by opening his mouth and talking about _feelings_. He also struggled to find the right words to express himself, and in the end just decided he would wing it: He would talk and hopefully his point would come across somehow.

When Rick was the only one who could take David’s shift on the guard tower since the man from the Decatur group wasn’t feeling too well, Daryl finally saw his opportunity. He watched while Rick reluctantly picked up a rifle and made his way to the tower, and then moved to follow him.

Carol intercepted him on his way and looked at Daryl quizzically. “Is everything okay?” she asked.

“Yeah. Jus’… ya know. Hopin’ I can find a way to enjoy losin’ myself,” Daryl told her, and smiled when he saw Carol’s eyes lit up. He knew she would understand his reference.

“Good luck with that, then,” she winked and he mock-glared at her. 

Her soft laugh followed him for a while but soon there was only the sound of his footsteps on the stairs of the tower, and then the one of the door opening.

“Hey,” Daryl greeted once in.

Rick turned to look at him and gestured for him to come forward and stand at his side. The rifle, Daryl noticed, was propped against one of the walls, away from Rick. 

“Hey, everything ok?” Rick greeted back.

“Fine.”

“What was Carol laughing at you for?” Rick asked, smiling.

“You heard that?”

Rick nodded. “Saw the two of you talking a bit, then she walked away laughing. What’s so funny?”

“Maybe I am,” Daryl said, softly.

Rick turned to look at him and cocked his head.

“She…” Daryl had to stop and swallow a lump of saliva. “Carol’s been tryin’ ta get me ta say somethin’ ta ya,” he said, accent as thick as ever. “Saw I’s commin’ here ta do that and..”

“And she laughed in your face?” Rick joked, and Daryl snorted.

“Guess so. Glared at her for sayin’ somethin’, she laughed.”

“Yeah. Sounds like Carol,” Rick shook his head, still smiling. “What did you want to say to me, then? I’m listenin’.”

“Yeah, ‘s what ya said. I talk, ya listen’.”

Rick nodded.

“So jus’ listen’, ok? Lemme… lemme jus’…”

“I won’t say a word until you’re done,” Rick promised.

Daryl took a moment to look all around and make sure no imminent threat was coming their way. Fence cleaners were hard at work still, and nothing could be seen in the distance. They were as safe as they were gonna be, so he took a deep breath and just started talking.

“There was this one kid. Lived in the trailer park my dad took us to after the house burnt down with my mom in it. He’s nice, I thought he’s my friend. We talked, I told him shit, taught him ta hunt. Then he went and met other kids, and I’s out. He weren’t interested in bein’ my friend no more. Told Merle about it, told ‘im I’s sad ‘cause of it, and he told me I’s an idiot ta care for that kid in the first place. Ain’t no way you can go ‘round _caring_ for people who ain’t your kin and expect them to give a shit in return. No one’s gonna care for ya, and if ya do yer weak and ya deserve what’cha get.”

Rick was looking at him, eyes wide and troubled, and Daryl knew he was dying to say something but he was keeping his word and staying silent, and for that Daryl was grateful. If Rick started going on about the kid, Merle, or some other shit, Daryl knew he would lose his nerve and never say what he set out to say. 

“I know what’cha thinkin’. Ain’t even ‘bout that. I jus’ wanted ya ta know why… I always thought feelings, any sorta feeling, were bullshit when one-sided and dangerous if returned. So when Merle… Back when we got back to the prison after I left ya… When he saw me with… uh… with’cha… close and shit. Friends, ya know? He weren’t happy. He said not to, said ta be away, said ta stop. So I did. Sorry if ya thought… Uhm…”

Daryl found he didn’t know how to go on and so he stopped and looked at his feet.

“Do you want me to… Can I… Daryl, can I speak now?” Rick asked, softly, and Daryl shrugged. “There’s a whole lot I’d like to say here but I know you don’t wanna hear it so I’ll let it go. But Merle, he… I’m sorry Daryl, he was your brother, you loved him and I’m sorry you lost him. But he was full of shit. What he said, ‘bout caring for people and being weak? ‘T was a crock of shit.”

Daryl grunted, but didn’t speak up to defend Merle. He was more interested in knowing why Rick thought Merle’s words were shit and how he was going to contradict them. He wanted Rick to keep talking so he stayed silent.

“When you’re close, I’m safer. When you’re with me, I’m strong. Daryl, you saved my life more times than I can count, and what you did for my daughter… I’m not gonna be ‘nother one of those fuckers that shower you with words and gratitude here, but you _have_ to know what you gave me. And I hope I gave you back something, too…”

“Ya did,” Daryl said. “‘Course ya did. Ya still do.”

Rick let out a breath and nodded. “Good. ‘S good. Because I care. For you. I care, Daryl, and do you think I’m weak because of it? Do you think I deserve to be kicked in the mud for it?”

Daryl shook his head.

“No,” Rick continued. “I don’t. Neither do you. Your friend was an idiot who didn’t know how lucky he’d been to find you and fucked it all up. But I’m no idiot. I know what I have, and I’m gonna do my damnedest to keep it. So don’t listen to Merle no more. Don’t walk away from me…”

“Won’t. Ain’t… ‘M right here. Sorry it took so long. Sorry I done it in the first place. Walk away…”

“‘S good to have you back,” Rick said, and he threw a smile at Daryl.

Daryl rolled his eyes and Rick laughed out loud and bumped their shoulders together. “Remind me to thank Carol tomorrow,” he said. 

“For what?”

“Getting you to talk to me. Explain. I knew something was up but you wouldn’t even look at me at first, and when you started again I didn’t wanna piss you off by asking. ‘S good Carol did it for me.”

Daryl blushed and hesitated for a second before deciding to take the leap. “Weren’t all she wanted me ta tell ya,” he confessed, refusing to look at Rick while he spoke.

“Oh?” Rick’s tone was very light, and Daryl knew he was trying not to press Daryl or force him to say something he wasn’t ready to say. Daryl didn’t know if he was ready but he was gonna say it anyway.

“Them feelings that Merle could see. Weren’t all… weren’t jus’… Uhm… ‘S why he didna lik’em. ‘Cause he saw, he knew.”

“Daryl, I… I’m not sure I follow you,” Rick confessed. “Could you just… What did Merle see?”

“Way I feel for ya,” Daryl whispered.

“Which is?”

Daryl shrugged. Was Rick really that dense? Or was Daryl just bad at expressing himself? 

“Look, I’m not trying to get you to say something you don’t wanna. But I need to be sure I get your meaning.”

“What’cha think I mean?” Daryl asked. Maybe if Rick played the guessing game this conversation would finally be over. Couldn’t get any worse, could it?

Rick looked at him and seemed to weigh his words. “You said Merle didn’t like the way you feel about me but I got that already, and not just from what you said b’fore. ‘Bout your kid friend and all. Wasn’t that hard to understand. Only took looking at Merle to know he didn’t wan’ me around you too much. Thought it could be resentment, for the roof and all, you know? You now explained it was something else. But… there’s more?”

Daryl nodded.

“How much more?”

Daryl shrugged and looked sideways at Rick, challenging him to figure it out by himself. 

Rick slowly nodded. “Can I try something?”

“What?”

Instead of replying, Rick moved his hand until his pinky finger touched Daryl’s. He kept still for a moment and then, when Daryl didn’t move away or get angry, Rick took Daryl’s hand in his.

Releasing a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding, Daryl interlocked their fingers and squeezed.

“Definitely gonna thank Carol tomorrow,” Rick said, and he sounded as out of breath as Daryl felt. 

“Rick…”

“Hmm?”

Daryl didn’t really want to ruin the moment but he just had to ask. “You… You ain’t… you know…”

“Gay?” Rick waited for Daryl’s tentative nod. “No. I’m not.”

Frowning, Daryl stepped away from him but Rick tightened his hold on Daryl’s hand and brought him back.

“You know I was married, and Lori… Lori was the only one for me. I’m not gay. But that don’t make me straight.”

“The hell it don’t!” Daryl was beginning to lose patience and couldn’t say he liked what he was hearing. Did he just misunderstand what Rick meant when he took his hand?

“It doesn’t,” Rick said forcefully. “It makes me bisexual. ‘S what I am. I may not have been with a man before… Hell, I hardly ever kissed anyone other than Lori. But I’m bi. Always known that. Lori knew, too. And Shane.”

Daryl relaxed a fraction. “They did?”

“Yeah. Wasn’t like I went around telling everybody, but the people close to me? They knew. Now you do, too.”

Daryl puffed out a breath and nodded. “Okay. Sorry I made you explain…”

“No. Hey, you had every right to ask. Every right to know.” 

“You gonna ask, too? ‘Bout me?”

Rick nodded. “You gay or…”

“Dunno. Never been much of nothing b’fore. Liked one girl well enough one time. Caught a couple o’ boys swimming naked down in the river, they wasn’t bad to look at. But I ain’t ever… done nothing with no one. Didn’t even really want to. Not ‘till you,” Daryl shrugged, cheeks burning up.

“I like that,” Rick said with a smile. “Thank you for telling me. Will you… Stay here? With me?”

Daryl mumbled his assent and stepped closer to Rick.

“And will you…”

“What?” Daryl prodded when Rick stopped.

“Will you let me hold more than your hand before the watch is over?”

“Yeah. And after. If ya want to…”

Rick grinned. “Oh, I do. You have no idea how much. But this is good for now. ‘S enough.”

“Yeah.”

*

Their talk, their joined hands, and their silent companionship up on the watch tower unfortunately remained all that Rick and Daryl were able to do because, as soon as their watch was over and they walked together towards the cell block, glued to one another’s sides and both breathing hard in anticipation, Carl came running towards them to tell Rick that Judith had a bit of a fever and Hershel was concerned.

The little girl was fine the following day, luckily, but Daryl still wasn’t able to be with Rick. After he spent the night awake, nursing his daughter alone in order to give the others a chance to sleep, it was decided to let Rick sleep the day away. Carl and his friend Patrick took care of the crops along with Hershel while Rick rested, and so Daryl decided to join a last minute run to a place nearby.

The run should have been an easy one, a small market not too far from the prison, but the group never made it there. There were four of them: Daryl, Sasha and two brothers that Daryl himself found on the road barely a month before and brought in. Chris and Louis, the brothers, were young and eager to help and they’d gone on runs with Daryl a couple of times before. They were earning their place at the prison but that day, when the car they were in was cut-off by a small heard of Walkers, Louis went down first and there was nothing Daryl could do to stop Chris from following his brother.

Daryl and Sasha fought as many Walkers as they could but in the end they were forced to run. They were both hurt, Sasha had a badly sprained ankle and Daryl could feel blood seeping from what he was sure had to be a nasty gash on his back caused by the broken glass of the wingmirror. Daryl hated himself for even thinking it but they were only able to escape because most of the Walkers were too busy gnawing on the two brothers to pay them any mind.

It was just their luck that they at least weren’t too far from the prison when it happened and were able to get back in just a couple of hours, their progress made even more difficult by Sasha’s ankle and a handful of Walkers; but that was about as much luck as Daryl could claim for the wrecked day.

Hours later, after he and Sasha debriefed the Council and had Hershel treat their wounds, Daryl found himself lying on his stomach in his cell after Hershel reccommended he try and avoid putting pressure on the stitches on his back. It was then that he finally allowed his thoughts to wander to Chris and Louis. He didn’t know them for long but they’d reminded him of himself and Merle a bit. Not really because Chris wasn’t as mean as Merle could be with his little brother, but there was the same feeling of family, of shared blood and experiences, that definitely reminded Daryl of his own brother. And something told him Merle would probably have done as Chris did and followed Daryl if he’d been the one to go down.

“Hey.”

Rick’s voice coming from the door of the cell startled Daryl out of his thoughts, and he greeted back. Rick took it as an invitation to come in and closed the privacy curtain behind himself as he did; then he simply sat down on the floor by Daryl’s head, back against the wall and facing the bunk, and cocked his head at Daryl.

“You okay?”

“Jus’ a scratch,” Daryl shrugged. “You?”

“Fine. I was here, safe, sleeping like a log while you… You almost…” Rick’s voice died and he coughed a bit.

“‘M here. Came back and ‘m fine. Jus’ a bit bruised, ‘s all,” Daryl comforted.

Rick nodded, closed his eyes and turned his head a bit. Daryl could see he was trying to compose himself and not fuss since Daryl didn’t like that, but the hunter didn’t think he would mind it too much if Rick started gushing his affections at him. Of course, Daryl didn’t want to worry Rick, but the thought of him wanting to take care of Daryl now and tell him how much he cared wasn’t unwelcome.

Rick opened his eyes again and turned back. “Heard about the brothers. Sorry,” he said, softly.

“They was good people, man. We lost somethin’ today.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Louis, the little brother? He went down almost as soon as we left the car. Walker got his leg and he fell. ‘T was nothin’ we could do. And Chris… he… he was the big brother, ya know? He saw Louis go down and he… I tried. Rick, I tried to stop him but I had Walkers coming at me from every direction and… Couldn’t. We lost him soon after.”

“I know you tried,” Rick said. “Hey. Daryl, hey. I know you did all you could. ‘S not on you. Chris made his choice. Not on you.”

“Used them, ya know? Sasha and I. We…” Daryl found he didn’t know if he could say it out loud. Sasha was the one to tell the story to the Council before, too.

“I heard. Glenn told me. You did what you had to. They were _gone_ already, you couldn’t save them. You, and Sasha… you didn’t abandon them. You didn’t cause any of that. You needed to save yourselves and you used all you had at your disposal. It’s harsh and it sucks, but it ain’t your fault,” Rick scooted forward until his face was just a breath away from Daryl’s. “You needed to come back. Back to the prison. To me. You needed to live, Daryl. And you did. Don’t ever feel guilty for that. Not ever.”

Rick’s forehead met his, and Daryl closed his eyes and took the first deep breath he could remember taking since the fucked up run.

“I’m sorry we lost them. The brothers,” Rick whispered. “But I’m not sorry their deaths helped you find your way back to me. I can’t be sorry about that, don’t ask me to be.”

“Ain’t asking you to be nothin’ you don’ wanna be,” Daryl whispered back. His eyes shot back open when he felt Rick move away. 

But Rick didn’t go very far. He just bent his head and kept looking at Daryl, giving him plenty of time to either protest or move back. Daryl didn’t move and he felt his own lips tingle in anticipation.

Rick kissed him. 

It was of those gentle, soft kisses that Daryl could remember girls talking about in the school yard. When the boy you like brushes his lips against yours and he’s sweet and loving and reverent. Daryl remembered laughing at the description, thinking no one could ever be all that and why would a guy even want to? Nah, those girls were just fooling themselves. But now he could see how wrong he’d been.

Rick’s lips were chapped and dry, but they felt like Heaven against Daryl’s, and he moaned softly.

“This okay?” Rick asked, mouth still against Daryl’s.

“Hmm,” he mumbled, and then captured those lips again in a bold move. This time, Daryl made the kiss firmer, and when Rick parted his lips, Daryl slipped the tip of his tongue inside.

It was like a fire had been lit because Rick let out a guttural sound and deepened the kiss. It was hot, wet, and passionate, and Daryl didn’t want it to ever end; but their positions weren’t the most comfortable so Daryl tried to shift on the bed to make things easier.

He realized his mistake immediately. The movement caused his wound to twinge painfully and Daryl gasped interrupting the kiss.

“Shit, you okay? I’m sorry, I didn’t think…” Rick knelt up and tried to help Daryl lie back down more comfortably.

Daryl wanted to reassure Rick, wanted to tell him he didn’t do anything wrong and to please go back to the kissing part, but the pain from his back stole his breath and he had to force himself to relax before being able to speak.

“‘M okay,” he croaked after a while. “‘S fine.”

“No, it’s not. You’re hurt and here I am molesting you,” Rick’s worry bled through his voice but he was obviously trying to keep the tone light anyway.

“You can keep on molesting. Ain’t like I’s complainin’.”

Rick puffed out a laugh. “We’ll leave the molesting for another time, uh? When you can actually move and molest me back.”

“Deal,” Daryl grinned. 

Rick nodded, still smiling, then made to get up.

“Ya leavin’?”

“Thought you might want to rest,” Rick said.

“Can rest with’cha here,” Daryl mumbled, too embarrassed to ask outright for Rick to stay, yet unwilling to let him go.

Rick simply sat back down with his back to the wall, and looked at Daryl. “I’ll stay, then. ‘Till someone comes and tells me to leave, I’ll stay.”

Daryl nodded and closed his eyes.

*

Three nights later the cell block was quiet. Everyone was asleep or otherwise occupied, and Daryl knew he had to take this chance or another might never present itself. Earlier, he heard Beth telling Rick she’d keep the little Asskicker in her cell and Carl had a sleepover with Patrick in another cell block, so Rick was completely free for the night.

Moving as quietly as he could, Daryl hesitated for just a second outside Rick’s cell but then decided not to risk calling out and ask for permission to get in. Not wanting anyone to hear, Daryl simply opened up the curtain and let himself in.

Rick was lying face up on his bunk. It was a hot night so he’d taken off his shirt and his feet were also bare. The only piece of clothing Rick was wearing were his jeans, and Daryl’s mouth watered when he could see that the top button was undone.

“I was hoping you might feel like visiting me tonight,” Rick smiled, and beckoned Daryl close.

Daryl walked towards him like a starving man would walk towards a table full of food. He pictured himself kneeling at Rick’s feet and opening up the zipper with his mouth, and the thought made him blush violently.

“What?” Rick was watching him intently. “Anything on your mind?”

Daryl looked down but when he realized that Rick was moving, probably wanting to sit up and come to him, Daryl brought his eyes back up. “No. Don’t… Stay there. Please? Jus’… stay like that.”

Rick lay back again and waited for Daryl to make his move. Suddenly, Merle’s voice rang into Daryl’s hears.

_He control ya, too? Tells ya what ta do, what ta say, what ta think… how ta suck ‘im off?_

There was a time when that particular jab had cut through Daryl and made him ashamed of his feelings, his desires; but now he found that he had no reason to doubt himself and what he wanted. He found that Merle’s words didn’t hurt anymore.

“Wanna do somethin’,” Daryl told Rick.

“So do it.”

“You don’ wanna know what?”

“I trust you, Daryl,” Rick said. “With my children’s lives, with my own. I trust you. I can certainly trust you with my body, also.”

Daryl nodded. Rick’s words sent a shiver down his spine and made him bold enough to ask for what he wanted. “Want ta suck ya off. Ain’t gonna be no good at it, ain’t never done it b’fore. But I wanna try. Okay?”

“You really don’t need to ask,” Rick told him, his voice dropping down an octave and his pupils dilating. His cock also strained against his jeans and caught Daryl’s eye.

Daryl moved towards the bunk and dropped to his knees by Rick’s groin. “Somethin’ else I want,” he said. “Want ya ta tell me how ta do it. How ya like it, how ya want me. Will ya do that?”

“Fuck, Daryl. Yes, I… Shit this may be over too soon, let me tell you.”

Daryl shrugged. “So will ya?”

“Yeah,” Rick said, swallowing hard. “Yeah. You… ehm… You might wanna start with taking my jeans off.”

“Would it be okay if they stay on?” Daryl asked. “I…”

“Is that a fantasy of yours?” Rick asked, smiling, and Daryl nodded. “Sure. On it is. Open them up, then, and take me out.”

Without giving Rick any sort of warning, Daryl bent down to fulfil his earlier fantasy: He caught Rick’s zipper with his teeth and lowered it slowly. Rick’s moan threatened to become too loud and so he bit his lip to keep the rest of it in.

“D…Daryl…” Rick whispered, bottom lip red and puffy. “Fuck…”

Daryl looked up at him and grinned, then simply obeyed Rick’s order and freed his cock from the confines of the jeans. 

“Laundry day,” Rick said with a catch in his voice. “No underwear. Used to think it a nuisance, now… not so much.”

Daryl nodded, keeping Rick’s cock in his hand but waiting for Rick’s instructions before doing anything else. Daryl knew by now that he had no problems letting Rick take charge, and he was just now discovering that there was more than one area where he would like to follow Rick’s orders. Besides, the only experience Daryl could claim about sex came from those times Merle was too wasted or too lazy to leave the room they shared and go fuck his girls somewhere else, somewhere Daryl wasn’t trying to sleep in, and it wasn’t like Daryl paid much attention to what his brother did in bed. So having someone else take control, guide him… It was not just hot, it seemed like a pretty good idea.

“This still okay?” Rick asked.

“Hmm mmh. Was waitin’ for ya to tell me what ta do,” Daryl replied, and was glad to see Rick’s eyes darken some more at his words.

“I want you to get it wet. Can you do that for me?” Rick said. “Use your tongue. Take your time, c’mon.”

Holding Rick’s cock at the base, Daryl bent down and slowly licked the head. Rick’s soft moan was reward enough for him to do it again, and again, and then to let his tongue wander down Rick’s shaft. Daryl found he liked to feel Rick’s cock harden under his tongue, and that his favorite spot to lick was just underneath the head because that was the spot that made Rick’s breath catch and his thighs tremble.

Rick tasted salty and a bit bitter but Daryl didn’t mind the taste and was more than willing to sample some more. But Rick hadn’t given him a new instruction yet, so Daryl just kept licking up and down Rick’s cock and swirled his tongue all around the head.

“Fuck… Uh… Daryl… That’s it. You’re so good.”

Rick’s praise went straight to Daryl’s cock and he used the hand that wasn’t holding Rick to squeeze himself under his jeans.

“You can take yourself out if you want,” Rick invited. “I wanna see you.”

Daryl obeyed but didn’t caress himself once he had his own cock in his hand. He just let it hang out for Rick to see, and to get some relief from the confines of his jeans.

“That’s it. You look so good, so hot like that, Daryl. Now I want you to take me in your mouth. Don’t try to go too deep, you jus’ take as much as you can, you hear? Pace yourself.”

Daryl’s lips parted and he took Rick’s cock in. He gave an experimental suck but as soon as he did he felt Rick’s hand on his head pulling him off.

“I’m sorry,” Daryl apologized immediately. “Did I do it wrong? Was I..”

“You need to mind your teeth, is all,” Rick smiled. “Jus’ cover them, alright? Be mindful of ‘em.”

Daryl blushed, ashamed. “Sorry…” 

“Hey. _Hey_ ,” Rick called and Daryl immediately looked at him. “You did nothing wrong and have nothing to be sorry for. Tell you the truth, I find this not just hot as hell but quite flattering.”

“Wha’?”

“Being your first, teaching you how to do it. Guiding you. Fuck, Daryl, what you do to me…”

“Yeah?” Daryl felt bold again. “Wan’ me ta try ‘gain, then?”

“Be my most welcome guest,” Rick winked.

Making sure to cover his teeth, Daryl started again and this time even he could feel how much more smoothly it all went. He remembered Rick saying not to force himself to take too much and so Daryl just concentrated on sucking the head of Rick’s cock and only bringing his mouth down a little bit.

“That’s it,” Rick groaned. “So fucking good, Daryl. Shit. You’re so good, don’t stop. Just like that. Use your hand, too. Stroke whatever you can’t fit into your mouth. Yes… Like that…”

Daryl loved to hear Rick’s praise and follow his directions on how to best please him. He sucked, stroked, and moaned around Rick’s cock making Rick arch off the bed and fist one hand in the sheets. His other hand found its way back to Daryl’s head but Rick didn’t push him down. He just let his hand lay on Daryl’s hair like he needed the contact. Daryl knew he himself needed it, wanted it, craved it.

Daryl’s head bobbed up and down and Rick’s hips started to move following the rhythm set by Daryl’s mouth. That thought and the motion of those hips forced Daryl to use the hand that was still on his own cock and start stroking it. 

“Jesus, ‘m close,” Rick grunted. “So close, Daryl, I… Do you want to… fuck… pull off? Or do you…”

Daryl wanted to taste Rick’s cum, he knew that, so even if he wasn’t sure he’d be able to take it all, he decided not to move away. He gave a curt nod and sucked even harder on Rick’s cock.

“Ah! Here it comes… Daryl… don’t stop… Daryl!”

Rick’s hips moved wildly for a moment and soon after Daryl felt the first spurt of cum in his mouth. He was able to swallow it down but it was soon followed by more and more cum and Daryl’s mouth filled so much that he was forced to spit some out. He felt it dribble down his chin, heard Rick’s moan and his curses and realized that Rick was watching him and saw his own cum leak out of Daryl’s mouth. All of this was apparently too much for Daryl and it only took a few more tugs for his own cock to follow Rick’s into orgasm.

When it was all over, Daryl rested with his head on Rick’s stomach and felt Rick’s gentle caress on his head. 

“So good. You were so good, Daryl. Shit, that was so hot,” Rick panted, and Daryl nodded. “Come here. Up here.”

Daryl let Rick pull him towards the top of the bunk and as soon as they were face to face Rick kissed him. He moaned when he tasted himself on Daryl’s tongue, and deepened the kiss. Daryl let him do whatever he wanted to his mouth and pushed his chest against Rick’s naked one.

“Do you need me to…” Rick gestured towards Daryl’s cock.

“Nah. Came when ya did.”

“Damn, sorry I missed the show,” Rick grinned, and Daryl blushed. “Ah, there’s always next time, right?”

Daryl pressed his forehead on Rick’s chest and felt more than hear his small laugh. When he realized that both his and Rick’s cocks were still out, Daryl moved to cover Rick first and then zipped himself up. Afterwards, he just knelt there unsure of what he should do next.

Rick yawned and shifted on the bed. “C’mon,” he invited. “Lay down with me.”

Daryl was tempted but he didn’t want to risk falling asleep and not leaving Rick’s cell in time before everyone else woke up. 

Rick seemed to understand the reason behind his hesitation. “Just for a moment,” he said. “I know this is still too new and too… personal to let others pry. But I want to hold you for a while. Will you let me hold you?”

Daryl wasn’t about to make Rick ask a second time so he lay down on the bed, on his side, and let Rick wrap his arms around him.

Burying his face against Rick’s neck, Daryl sighed. “She was right.”

“Hmm? Who was?”

“Carol. She said I wouldn’t mind losin’ myself. She was right. Don’t even feel like losin’. More… bein’ found?” Daryl knew he was rambling, and that Rick didn’t know all about his discussion with Carol so he couldn’t understand what he was saying, but apparently he couldn’t help himself.

He didn’t know if Rick read his mind as he often seemed to do, or if he just decided to take what he liked from Daryl’s words and run with it, but he smiled when Rick answered him.

“You _are_ found. I found you. And I’ll be damned if I let you go again. Gonna keep you.”

Daryl had no intention of letting go of Rick either so that plan suited him perfectly.


End file.
